A slap in the face-hurts.

How do you tell someone you love that they hurt you so much you want to scream? Now, how do you do this knowing full well that this person is going to be very angry and tell you that you are wrong for focusing on something so petty during a time when we should be focused on more important issues at hand? Are you supposed to turn the other way and ignore your instincts or intuition because it's a rough time? A few days ago I wrote about my BFF making a new friend. Well, this friendship has been growing for almost two years now. I have expressed my concerns and recently they have been met with anger and frustration. Times are tough, no lie, but I can't ignore what I see right in front of me. Today, I felt a slap in the face once again. My BFF got bad news and called me to let me know. I was worried, very worried-and scared. I was sad for them and wanted to comfort them as much as I could. Then later that evening my BFF got some good news (while I was in their presence). I felt happy for them and relieved. But then my BFF did something that made me think and take a deep breath. They called their new friend, at first to ask a question, but of course to let them know the good news. I feel like I only know about things that are happening because my BFF is obligated to tell me and not because they actually value my opinion or feelings. I feel useless, un-needed, un-wanted. What would really happen if I just stopped talking? Would they even notice? What if I stopped caring and loving so much? Would it hurt less? That's not me. I have a big heart. I can't stop loving someone who means so much to me, but still I wonder, would we be happier? Well, I've been trying this remedy for a few weeks now and my BFF seems happier. "Shut-up and take it I suppose!" If it all falls apart, I can't say I didn't try. I did, I tried hard. I tried talking, crying, and now I feel like giving up. Now, I'm tired and just want to be left to my thoughts. My deep, sad, and lonely thoughts. I think I need to do some major soul-searching and figure out what I really need out of this friendship and if it's too late.

Are meltdowns healthy?

Every now and then we all have a "meltdown". Some of us cry, others yell, some resort to violence, and me-well I guess I just shut down (after having myself a good cry of course). The good news is that I usually have a moment of clarity after I shut down. I sit and think about what caused my meltdown and what I could have done to avoid it or at least lessen the blow. I often find that maybe I overreacted or read into a situation more than I should have. Either way, there comes a time when we all have to take a step back and admit we were wrong. Yesterday, I had a meltdown. I didn't include anyone in on this little escapade, but I still felt awful afterward. I realized that a friendship is only as strong as the people involved in it. My BFF may have made a new friend, but that doesn't mean that they care less for our friendship. My insecurity came because I wasn't feeling all that great about myself. So I guess meltdowns are healthy (passive meltdowns, of course).

Are you still my friend? Check Yes or No.

Have you ever felt as though you and a close friend suddenly lost touch? Maybe you both just got really busy, or maybe you got mad at each other. Either way, it's tough, especially when this person meant so much to you. Have you ever felt jealous of a new friendship that your BFF made? I'll be the first to say, I HAVE. Unfortunately, my first grade scenario is happening now. I'm a grown woman and incredibly jealous of a relationship, "friendship", that someone close to me has been trying to pass off as nothing more than a professional working relationship. How can you really tell? I mean, if your BFF were always talking about this person, always bringing up something funny they said, taking strong advice regarding career changes from them and ignoring yours, constantly calling them to chat about the latest office gossip, sharing music, going to lunch, and even worse not including you in on any of it or making you their second call on the list, how would you feel? I'm jealous, really. Any advice?

HAIRY Situation!

I have had the worst hair year ever. I decided to get my hair cut short the day before New Years Eve and quickly realized that maybe I had made a mistake. When that hairstyle grew out I had no choice but to go shorter. I had my hair cut into a bob (shorter in the back and a bit longer in the front). When this grew out my naturally curly hair just hung there. It looked awful, so naturally I had to get it cut again. I asked my stylist to add layers to my already incredibly short cut. It helped but I can't wait for it to grow out so that I can wear my soft, sexy, curls again. My recent awkward hair styles do not help my confidence since I'm already feeling less than beautiful due to weight gain, unflattering hormonal acne, and unpredictable facial skin conditions (some days it's dry and some days it's oily) brought on by my bun in the oven. I should have listened to my husband. He hates it when I go short!

Great news!

Well the working out worked out for a while but now I need to change my routine. I am very pregnant! I just found out on Sunday evening. I'm sure I'm only a few weeks along but still I am happy. NERVOUS, but still happy. This will be baby number 4 for my husband and I. I am blessed to have such a wonderful family. Thank you to everyone.

Let's get this started!

My husband and I have decided it is time for us to lose weight and shape up. We are starting P90X tomorrow morning. I'm motivated! I know that this is going to be hard. I've tried it before and gave up the second week into the program. But this time, I'm ready. I want to feel healthy. I want to have the energy to play with my kids. I don't want to feel tired and sick all the time. I want to feel confident again. I want to feel sexy again. I want this and I am ready! So is Andy. We are going to be each other's support system. I won't let him give up and he won't let me give up. It's time to start taking care of our health. Tonight we dine on McDonald's cheeseburgers and fries and tomorrow we start eating healthy, nutritious, and delicious homemade meals. I'm so excited and so ready!

Victorious!

I held my first open house today. I had never held one on my own. I was so nervous last night I almost threw up. This morning I decided that I needed to be brave and jump in feet first. It went really well. I believe I can be great at this. I love people and talking to people and I especially love to help people! So I really believe that I can and will be great at this! Today was my very own personal victory! Yeah me!!!

Fresh Start!

Another year and another fresh start. Happy New Year everyone!!! Why is it that we see the beginning of a new year as a fresh start? I'm not really sure but I am grateful! My "fresh start" year will be filled with gratitude, selflessness, and even a little self help. I can't wait. I am so excited about how wonderful this year will be that I can't help but smile. I hope that you make your year a great one! If you're in love with someone say so and make sure that person knows it. If you are motivated to try something new, do it and don't be afraid! We spend more time being afraid of what will happen if we do something, than the time it would take to actually do it, be courageous and do it! Surround yourself with positive people and thoughts. You are the only person that can make your year a great one! You deserve it! Last year, well let's face it sucked. This year I will make a difference in my own life and maybe even in the lives of others. Even if they don't know it. They've got a little bit of Diane on the way and a whole lot of HAPPY!!! IT'S GO TIME!!!