Back to work...

I recently returned to my old job.  I was very lucky to be looking for a job at the same time that my most recent employer was looking to hire.  It's nice being back.  I have some of my old friends there and have made some new ones.  Still, I miss being home with my girls, especially Ariana.  She is so tiny and sometimes I feel like she doesn't really know me or need me.  I guess it just means I have to work even harder to make sure she doesn't forget me.  I didn't realize just how hard it is to have 4 children and a full time job.  I barely have time to breath.  I always feel like I'm trying to catch up.  There's laundry, dishes, cleaning, cooking, and most importantly loving my family.  That's not a chore of course but I really need to get myself organized so that everything gets done with little drama.  To add to that, I really need to get to losing weight.  I am at my heaviest non-pregnancy weight and can feel it in my knees, ankles, and feet.  I hurt all over.  I joined a gym with the best intentions of working out during my lunch hour, but work gets so busy, sometimes I can't even get a way to use the bathroom.  So what's my plan...well here goes nothing;

Wake up early (5am)
Put in a load of laundry
Work out (P90X it baby!)
Put laundry in dryer
Eat breakfast
Shower
Make bed
Groom/Get dressed
Fold laundry
Take out trash
Work, work, work!
Get home, put in another load of laundry
Start dinner
Put laundry in dryer
Dinner time!
Load dishwasher (the rest of the family-15 clean sweep of house)
30 minute family walk
Bath time for everyone!
Fold laundry
Morning prep (set out clothes for next day, make lunches, etc.)
Bed time Zzz!

I will try this for one week, faithfully!  Good night world, tomorrow is a new day!

What's new?

Well 2010 was certainly an emotional year for our family. We had many happy moments. But it seems as though these happy moments were often met by a challenging one. My pregnancy was quite hard on my body. I guess it's true that a pregnancy at 32 years of age is certainly not the same as the one you had when you were twenty. Especially, when all four of your pregnancies were c-sections. I felt the difference and it hurt. I had difficult and overwhelming moments in close relationships (love, family, and friendship). And then my husband was laid off of work. All the difficult and overwhelming moments were now accompanied by fear and worry. But then God finds a way to make it all a little better. We had our little darling! And she makes it all feel better. Every time I hold one of my little girls I breathe in their laughter and love and I feel so much better. Yes, 2010 was not our greatest year, but we will learn from it and move forward. We will surround ourselves with happiness, love, and laughter. All will be good!

Happy at home!

Hello Everyone! I realize that it has been a while, but I have been very busy. I had my baby girl! She was born a few days before Christmas. Ariana Noelle, 6lbs 8 oz, 19 inches long, and covered hair. She is beautiful and healthy! She takes my breath away. She has joined her sisters in becoming one of Daddy's Little Girls and Mommy's Little Sweeties! My husband and I are so blessed to have such a beautiful family. Thank you to everyone for all of your support and love! Thank you God for helping us complete our little family and making sure that our little baby was healthy!

A slap in the face-hurts.

How do you tell someone you love that they hurt you so much you want to scream? Now, how do you do this knowing full well that this person is going to be very angry and tell you that you are wrong for focusing on something so petty during a time when we should be focused on more important issues at hand? Are you supposed to turn the other way and ignore your instincts or intuition because it's a rough time? A few days ago I wrote about my BFF making a new friend. Well, this friendship has been growing for almost two years now. I have expressed my concerns and recently they have been met with anger and frustration. Times are tough, no lie, but I can't ignore what I see right in front of me. Today, I felt a slap in the face once again. My BFF got bad news and called me to let me know. I was worried, very worried-and scared. I was sad for them and wanted to comfort them as much as I could. Then later that evening my BFF got some good news (while I was in their presence). I felt happy for them and relieved. But then my BFF did something that made me think and take a deep breath. They called their new friend, at first to ask a question, but of course to let them know the good news. I feel like I only know about things that are happening because my BFF is obligated to tell me and not because they actually value my opinion or feelings. I feel useless, un-needed, un-wanted. What would really happen if I just stopped talking? Would they even notice? What if I stopped caring and loving so much? Would it hurt less? That's not me. I have a big heart. I can't stop loving someone who means so much to me, but still I wonder, would we be happier? Well, I've been trying this remedy for a few weeks now and my BFF seems happier. "Shut-up and take it I suppose!" If it all falls apart, I can't say I didn't try. I did, I tried hard. I tried talking, crying, and now I feel like giving up. Now, I'm tired and just want to be left to my thoughts. My deep, sad, and lonely thoughts. I think I need to do some major soul-searching and figure out what I really need out of this friendship and if it's too late.

Are meltdowns healthy?

Every now and then we all have a "meltdown". Some of us cry, others yell, some resort to violence, and me-well I guess I just shut down (after having myself a good cry of course). The good news is that I usually have a moment of clarity after I shut down. I sit and think about what caused my meltdown and what I could have done to avoid it or at least lessen the blow. I often find that maybe I overreacted or read into a situation more than I should have. Either way, there comes a time when we all have to take a step back and admit we were wrong. Yesterday, I had a meltdown. I didn't include anyone in on this little escapade, but I still felt awful afterward. I realized that a friendship is only as strong as the people involved in it. My BFF may have made a new friend, but that doesn't mean that they care less for our friendship. My insecurity came because I wasn't feeling all that great about myself. So I guess meltdowns are healthy (passive meltdowns, of course).

Are you still my friend? Check Yes or No.

Have you ever felt as though you and a close friend suddenly lost touch? Maybe you both just got really busy, or maybe you got mad at each other. Either way, it's tough, especially when this person meant so much to you. Have you ever felt jealous of a new friendship that your BFF made? I'll be the first to say, I HAVE. Unfortunately, my first grade scenario is happening now. I'm a grown woman and incredibly jealous of a relationship, "friendship", that someone close to me has been trying to pass off as nothing more than a professional working relationship. How can you really tell? I mean, if your BFF were always talking about this person, always bringing up something funny they said, taking strong advice regarding career changes from them and ignoring yours, constantly calling them to chat about the latest office gossip, sharing music, going to lunch, and even worse not including you in on any of it or making you their second call on the list, how would you feel? I'm jealous, really. Any advice?

HAIRY Situation!

I have had the worst hair year ever. I decided to get my hair cut short the day before New Years Eve and quickly realized that maybe I had made a mistake. When that hairstyle grew out I had no choice but to go shorter. I had my hair cut into a bob (shorter in the back and a bit longer in the front). When this grew out my naturally curly hair just hung there. It looked awful, so naturally I had to get it cut again. I asked my stylist to add layers to my already incredibly short cut. It helped but I can't wait for it to grow out so that I can wear my soft, sexy, curls again. My recent awkward hair styles do not help my confidence since I'm already feeling less than beautiful due to weight gain, unflattering hormonal acne, and unpredictable facial skin conditions (some days it's dry and some days it's oily) brought on by my bun in the oven. I should have listened to my husband. He hates it when I go short!