I forgot how much I loved you (me)...

When you become a mom, you tend to forget about someone that is so important that if they disappeared you're life, it would end.  I'm talking about you.  Sometimes I get so busy I forget to take a little bit of time to check on myself.  How am I feeling?  Do I need a little bit of alone time?  Do I need a moment to reflect on my day and appreciate the little things that made me smile?  Yes,  we all do.  Take a little time, even if it's only 5 minutes and pat yourself on the back.  You did a great job today!  You fixed a boo-boo, you settled a quarrel between siblings, you made your husband feel good about what he does for your family, and most of all, you worked hard for your family today.  Whether you are a stay at home mom or you work a 9 to 5 job daily, you work hard everyday.  Sometimes (most of the time) with out a day off.  Don't forget to love yourself everyday!  You deserve it!

Win or lose? I choose to win.

Win or lose?  I could choose to lose, but I've been losing all my life.  I've felt sorry for myself, made excuses for myself, and given myself easy ways out.  I've allowed others to decide for me.  I've often started things and when they would get hard I allowed myself not to finish them.  I'd pretend that I had become bored with them and needed a new task.  I've decided that sleep was more important that waking up a little bit earlier to enjoy some reading.  I've done the same with TV watching.  What a waste of time!  I've chosen to lose so many more times than to win and wondered why my life wasn't where I wanted it to be.  And now.........I chose to win. For a few months now, my husband and I have been spending time with people that choose to win.  They read, they believe, they inspire, they grow themselves.   But mostly, they decide for themselves not to follow the masses.  In the past week, I've made an effort to read at least 15 minutes daily.  I'm not reading some romance novel, I'm reading books that stretch me.  They make me understand that I can be better.  I feel better and think better.  I've always been a positive person, but we all know that life and work can sometimes bring you down.  I'm not letting that happen anymore.  I will be the mother I have always wanted to be.  I will be the wife I have always wanted to be. I will be present in my daughters' lives.  I will love my husband deeply.  I will be happy.  I will pray.  I will uplift others.  I will be happy for others.  I will serve others first.  I will find my strengths and use them to help others.  I will discover my weaknesses and improve them.  I CHOOSE TO WIN!  How about you?

Are you a dream stealer?

Are you a dream stealer?  Do you often find that when someone is telling you about their future goals or dreams you are quick to bring them back down to earth with your impressive skills of telling the future?  Maybe it's because you think you're offering good advice or maybe you just don't know any better.  Never the less, when someone has a dream, you should support them 100%.  If they fail, they will learn from it, but you have no right to tell them they can't accomplish something they have poured their heart and soul into.  Be the person that tells them to keep going, never give up, victory is within your grasp, go for it!  They'll thank you for always being there for them and believing that they could do anything!  DREAM BIG for yourself and for others!

Back to work...

I recently returned to my old job.  I was very lucky to be looking for a job at the same time that my most recent employer was looking to hire.  It's nice being back.  I have some of my old friends there and have made some new ones.  Still, I miss being home with my girls, especially Ariana.  She is so tiny and sometimes I feel like she doesn't really know me or need me.  I guess it just means I have to work even harder to make sure she doesn't forget me.  I didn't realize just how hard it is to have 4 children and a full time job.  I barely have time to breath.  I always feel like I'm trying to catch up.  There's laundry, dishes, cleaning, cooking, and most importantly loving my family.  That's not a chore of course but I really need to get myself organized so that everything gets done with little drama.  To add to that, I really need to get to losing weight.  I am at my heaviest non-pregnancy weight and can feel it in my knees, ankles, and feet.  I hurt all over.  I joined a gym with the best intentions of working out during my lunch hour, but work gets so busy, sometimes I can't even get a way to use the bathroom.  So what's my plan...well here goes nothing;

Wake up early (5am)
Put in a load of laundry
Work out (P90X it baby!)
Put laundry in dryer
Eat breakfast
Shower
Make bed
Groom/Get dressed
Fold laundry
Take out trash
Work, work, work!
Get home, put in another load of laundry
Start dinner
Put laundry in dryer
Dinner time!
Load dishwasher (the rest of the family-15 clean sweep of house)
30 minute family walk
Bath time for everyone!
Fold laundry
Morning prep (set out clothes for next day, make lunches, etc.)
Bed time Zzz!

I will try this for one week, faithfully!  Good night world, tomorrow is a new day!

What's new?

Well 2010 was certainly an emotional year for our family. We had many happy moments. But it seems as though these happy moments were often met by a challenging one. My pregnancy was quite hard on my body. I guess it's true that a pregnancy at 32 years of age is certainly not the same as the one you had when you were twenty. Especially, when all four of your pregnancies were c-sections. I felt the difference and it hurt. I had difficult and overwhelming moments in close relationships (love, family, and friendship). And then my husband was laid off of work. All the difficult and overwhelming moments were now accompanied by fear and worry. But then God finds a way to make it all a little better. We had our little darling! And she makes it all feel better. Every time I hold one of my little girls I breathe in their laughter and love and I feel so much better. Yes, 2010 was not our greatest year, but we will learn from it and move forward. We will surround ourselves with happiness, love, and laughter. All will be good!

Happy at home!

Hello Everyone! I realize that it has been a while, but I have been very busy. I had my baby girl! She was born a few days before Christmas. Ariana Noelle, 6lbs 8 oz, 19 inches long, and covered hair. She is beautiful and healthy! She takes my breath away. She has joined her sisters in becoming one of Daddy's Little Girls and Mommy's Little Sweeties! My husband and I are so blessed to have such a beautiful family. Thank you to everyone for all of your support and love! Thank you God for helping us complete our little family and making sure that our little baby was healthy!

A slap in the face-hurts.

How do you tell someone you love that they hurt you so much you want to scream? Now, how do you do this knowing full well that this person is going to be very angry and tell you that you are wrong for focusing on something so petty during a time when we should be focused on more important issues at hand? Are you supposed to turn the other way and ignore your instincts or intuition because it's a rough time? A few days ago I wrote about my BFF making a new friend. Well, this friendship has been growing for almost two years now. I have expressed my concerns and recently they have been met with anger and frustration. Times are tough, no lie, but I can't ignore what I see right in front of me. Today, I felt a slap in the face once again. My BFF got bad news and called me to let me know. I was worried, very worried-and scared. I was sad for them and wanted to comfort them as much as I could. Then later that evening my BFF got some good news (while I was in their presence). I felt happy for them and relieved. But then my BFF did something that made me think and take a deep breath. They called their new friend, at first to ask a question, but of course to let them know the good news. I feel like I only know about things that are happening because my BFF is obligated to tell me and not because they actually value my opinion or feelings. I feel useless, un-needed, un-wanted. What would really happen if I just stopped talking? Would they even notice? What if I stopped caring and loving so much? Would it hurt less? That's not me. I have a big heart. I can't stop loving someone who means so much to me, but still I wonder, would we be happier? Well, I've been trying this remedy for a few weeks now and my BFF seems happier. "Shut-up and take it I suppose!" If it all falls apart, I can't say I didn't try. I did, I tried hard. I tried talking, crying, and now I feel like giving up. Now, I'm tired and just want to be left to my thoughts. My deep, sad, and lonely thoughts. I think I need to do some major soul-searching and figure out what I really need out of this friendship and if it's too late.